The Psychology of Couples Docking
Taking turns at the helm and on deck fosters empathy and understanding.
Docking can be one of the most challenging moments for couples on the water.
You're working as a team under high stakes, with wind, currents, and tight spaces all adding pressure. So, why does docking seem to bring out the worst in otherwise steady duos?
Fight-Flight-Freeze Response
Docking triggers an adrenaline rush, activating the body’s natural “fight, flight, or freeze” response. In a high-stakes moment like this, one partner handles the helm while the other manages lines and that doesn't leave much room for wishy washy communication styles.
With “flight” off the table (unless someone’s ready to swim for it) and “freeze” not an option on a moving boat, “fight” often becomes the default response. And as any sailor knows, the only thing harder than docking is docking while arguing.
Neurodiversity and Docking Dynamics
Did you know that an estimated 20% of the global population is considered neurodivergent? While there’s no data to pinpoint how many sailors are on the spectrum, it’s worth considering that this percentage might be even higher on the water.
- Dyslexia: Can make it harder to process instructions or signals quickly.
- ADHD: Might lead to difficulty focusing amidst the bustle of docking.
- Autism spectrum: Sudden changes or unclear instructions can cause overwhelm or confusion.
Practicing clear, consistent communication helps ease these moments, keeping tension (and boat speed) low.
Different Communication Styles
Docking often highlights differences in how partners communicate, which can feel amplified under pressure.
- Direct vs. Observational: One partner may prefer clear, specific instructions like, “Pull the bowline tight, now!” while the other might lean on intuition, saying, “I think we should go slower here.” These styles can clash, especially in time-sensitive situations.
- Verbal vs. Nonverbal Cues: Some partners rely on verbal instructions, while others prefer hand signals or gestures. Without alignment, critical steps can be missed or misinterpreted.
Detail-Oriented vs. Big Picture
During docking, one partner may focus on small details, like watching lines or adjusting fenders, while the other takes a broader perspective, monitoring speed and position. Both approaches have value, but when they’re out of sync, frustration can build.
Processing Time
In high-pressure situations, some people make snap decisions while others need time to assess. When one partner acts quickly and the other is still evaluating, it can create tension. Establishing a shared process helps bridge this gap.
Strategies for Smoother Docking
- Practice Makes Perfect: Schedule docking drills in a low-stress environment to build muscle memory and confidence.
- Switch Roles: Taking turns at the helm and on the lines fosters empathy and understanding.
- Stay Calm: Remember, the goal is to dock your boat, not to be "right".
- Debrief: After everything is secured, discuss what went well and where you can improve keeping the tone constructive.
Docking as a couple is as much about communication and trust as it is about skill. Remember, how you dock is how you do everything as the saying goes... or something like that.
